Major Gifts Fundraising Essentials II: Curiosity and Self Managment

Exceptional fundraisers with whom I work as a professional coach are a curious bunch. They're curious about themselves, curious about their world, and especially curious about donors and their interests. Embedded in that curiosity is a principle of withholding judgment--a core element of self management.




Ah, withholding judgement.  Easier said than done.   Oh, how the mind loves to judge others, ourselves, and even our circumstances.  For the purposes of this post, I'd like to focus on our tendency (dare I say "compulsion") to judge others.  Here are some common examples:


Good/Bad
Smart/Stupid 
Assertive/Meek
Funny/Serious  
Conservative/Liberal
Engaging/Boring
Beautiful/Ugly  
Wealthy/Poor
Capable/Incompetent
Diligent/Careless
Old/Young 

I will assert that for fundraising professionals it is absolutely imperative that the tendency to judge others be weakened. Why?  Because this one practice opens up space for relationships to blossom.  And when relationships with donors blossom, generous gifts follow.  In Wayne Dyer's words: "Real magic in relationships happens in absence of judgement."  It's that kind of "magic" that fundraisers are seeking to create with donors.

I confess that it can be very challenging to refrain from this insidious behavior, especially if your "Judge" is well developed.  One way to weaken the Judge is to watch your mind throughout the day and keep track of when you judge someone.  Be truthful, and hold yourself accountable.  You may even want to keep score (fundraisers love to keep score).  Each time you judge someone, recommit to creating a "no-judgment zone" for yourself and those with whom you interact.  And remember not to judge yourself harshly.  Over time as you start noticing when you're in judgment mode, I expect you'll also see how quickly the judgment will dissipate.

Another great antidote to the Judge is curiosity.  Curiosity and judgment can almost never co-exist.  Let's say, for example, you are meeting with a prospective donor who made his fortune in the defense industry.  Because you are generally a peaceful person and despise the military industrial complex, your Judge starts to create a story: "This guy's a baby killer.  He's an asshole.  How could he build weapons that destroy innocent lives?" And, so on.

All of a sudden you start to notice the story your Judge is creating, and instead of solidifying that story you choose to get curious: "Who is this person?  What motivates him?  What does he really care about?"  Your curiosity leads you to ask him some powerful questions and you learn that his company produces affordable handheld gas sensing devices which allow soldiers and first responders to detect very small amounts of poisonous gases before people are affected.  It turns out he's saving lives (or, at least preventing deaths) through his work.  By withholding judgement and being curious you come to learn that his grandfather died a grisly death in WWI from mustard gas poisoning.  To honor his grandfather, he wants to support public policy research at your university that would lead to significant reductions of poisonous gas stockpiles worldwide.  Hmmm.....

While this example may seem simple, you get  get the picture.  

If you are relatively new to the fundraising field (or just want to go from good to great), and you are interested in strengthening the your ability to be curious and withhold judgment, then I encourage you to join me for the affordable Abundant Fundraising Webinar Series.  The second installment of the series focuses on these two essential qualities of curiosity and self-managment, both of which major gifts fundraisers must cultivate to be successful.