The Chuck Chronicles Episode III--Emotion

Chuck, a fictional successful businessman in his late 50's, approaches David in a coaching session with the following situation:

“My mother will soon be stepping down as head of the family business. It seems pretty urgent for me now — I need to make some choices. I have spent most of my adult life preparing to succeed her; however, I am now wondering if it might be better to retire early and allow my son to take the reins instead of me. I feel a little blue right now, and I really need to make sure I am doing what is right for me as well as for my family and the business.”

A following fictional dialogue ensues between the coach (David) and the client (Chuck).

David: Hey, Chuck. How are you?

Chuck: Down, down, down ditty down.

David: Ok, Chuck. What’s down?

Chuck: Well, I had the conversations with Kathy, Mom, and Charlie about Mom stepping down, me stepping aside, and Charlie step up.

David: And how did they go?

Chuck: The conversations went fine. As I mentioned to you a few weeks back, I thought Kathy would be ecstatic, and she was. She could not have been more supportive and enthusiastic. She booked the tickets to Hawaii.

David: Nice. And Mom and Charlie.

Chuck: Mom took it surprisingly well. Especially when I mentioned that the cabin would always be there for her. She went ahead and starting clearing out some of her memorabilia at the office, and bringing it over to the cabin, including some of the photos of when she and Pop started the business.

Charlie was a bit surprised, in a nervous expectation sort of way. Kind of like the feeling you get when you’re a kid and you’re going to jump off the 10meter diving board for the first time. When I told him that I would be there for him (treading water in the deep end to make sure he comes up for air), he jumped in with delight.

David: And what about you, Chuck. What’s the sadness?

Chuck: That’s it, I’m not exactly sure. I’ve just been feeling melancholy ever since. I know I should be feeling elated: Kathy was so happy she jumped my bones that night, and I need not tell you that for a couple that’s been married as long as we have, her spontaneity was a welcome surprise. 

 David: Chuck, this is a G-rated conversation.

Chuck: Ok, David.  Anyway, Mom seems so content. And Charlie keeps getting out of the pool, climbing up the ladder and jumping in the pool. He even swam over to me, patted me on the back, and said: “It’s OK Pop. I can swim in the deep end. I’m not afraid anymore.” I should be loving this, and I’m not.

David: I hear that Chuck. Are you willing to dive deeper into this pool of sadness with me?

Chuck: I’m not sure, David.

David: Chuck, if you will allow me to use your own metaphor--I’ll dive down with you. Ok?

Chuck: Ok, David. I’ll give it a try.

David: Thanks Chuck. Let’s wade into the shallow end together first. What’s here?

Chuck: I’m a kid again. First time in the pool. It’s scary. I’m glad you’re holding my hand. It feels like I’m with my father. I remember him in the early days when he and Mom started the business. This is when I learned to swim. I’m looking at the two of them sitting poolside, going over the bills, talking about products, and people in the office. The Harry Chapin song Cat's in The Cradle is playing and I'm hearing: “I’m going to be just like him” is playing. [Chuck sings the line for David]

David: Beautiful, Chuck. Do you want to stay here, or do you want to wade in a bit deeper?

Chuck: Let’s wade in a bit deeper. I’m taller now. In my 20’s, and 6ft tall. Let’s wade in chest high. 

David: Ok, Chuck.  I'm with you.  What’s going on?.

Chuck: I’m glad you’re with me. Kathy and I were married last year. Shortly after, Pop passed away suddenly from a heart attack. Mom’s scrambling to arrange the funeral while still running the business. She asked me if I would drop out of graduate school to help her. I said I would. That was a big turning point in my life. While I know it was the right thing to do, I’ve always wondered what my life as an academic would have been like.

David: What would it have been like, Chuck?

Chuck: Not sure. All I know is that the road of life took a different turn, and I went with it.

David: In the ’67 Impala?

Chuck: You betcha! [David senses a big smile come across Chucks face]

David: So, where are we? On the road to happiness, or still in the pool of sadness?

Chuck: Still in the pool of sadness.

David: Ok. Do you want to dive under water into the deep end together?

Chuck: I’m ready.

David: Here we go. We’re under. What’s it feel like swimming around here, Chuck?

Chuck: Not very good. I’m holding my breath, and I know eventually I’m going to need to surface for air soon. It’s like I’ve been holding my breath my entire adult life waiting for Mom to retire so I could break through the surface, breathe freely, and let the sun shine on my face.

David: And what’s the emotion? Still sadness?

Chuck: No. It’s more like disappointment.

David: Disappointment in what?

Chuck: I’m disappointed that I did not have more time to enjoy life when I was younger. 

[A long silence ensues]

Chuck: It’s nobody’s fault. I’m not angry. I made a free choice. I did my duty, and I am very proud of that.

David: And now?

Chuck: And now I’m making another choice. 

David: What choice is that, Chuck?

Chuck: Let’s go up to the surface so we can both catch our breath, get out of the pool, and dry off.

David: Are you sure?

Chuck: Damn right, I’m sure. Let’s get out of here. 

David: Ok, Chuck. Lead the way.

Chuck: Follow me, David.

David: Where are we going?

Chuck: Over to Tiki bar for a couple of Mai Tai’s. I’m buying.

David: Sweet!

Chuck: David, thank you for being there with me under the water in the pool of my sadness. I needed that.

David: You’re welcome Chuck. We came up pretty fast. I was ready to hold you down there a while longer, but it seemed like you had a realization. What was it?

Chuck: I realized I could stay down there, and we could both drown in my pool of sadness, or I could lead us up to the surface and get busy enjoying my retirement with Kathy.

David: Yeah. What came up for me is that line from Shawshank Redemption: “Get busy living, or get busy dying”. What are you going to get busy doing?

Chuck: Leading!

David: What do you mean, Chuck?

Chuck: Well, I did the right thing for the family when I left grad school to help Mom with the business. And, I’m doing the right thing for the family now by stepping aside. That’s leadership! I could have easily taken the reins now. Right? It was my time. Right? No. It’s Charlie’s time. He’s ready for it, like I never was. I want to see him enjoy this in a way I never could.

David: And what else?

Chuck: My choice here is different this time. This time, I’m not just thinking about Mom, Kathy, Charlie, and the rest of the family. This time I’m also thinking about me.

David: How so, Chuck?

Chuck: This is what I want. I want that trip to Hawaii. I want to finish the Impala. I want to enjoy the grandchildren, and I want Kathy to jump by bones with enthusiasm more often.

David: [laughing] Now, now, Chuck. Keep it clean.

Chuck: Seriously, David. You know that she’s ten years younger than I am. And if I’m running the business, how am I going to have the energy to keep up with her?

David: And what’s possible from here? And I’m not talking about in bed, ok Chuck. 

Chuck: Not more children. I can tell you that. [Chuck releases a huge belly laugh].  It’s more like infinite possibilities. A weight has been lifted. Thank you, David.

David: You’re welcome, Chuck. I feel that lightness, which leads me to an inquiry as we come to the close of our coaching session today.

Chuck: Sure, David. What is it?

David: Will you spend the next couple of weeks and reflect upon the "infinite possibilities" that are ahead for you, and do some journaling around whatever comes up?

Chuck: Absolutely. It would be my pleasure.

David: Awesome, Chuck. You made some great progress today. I know we kid around from time-to-time on our calls. That’s one of the things I love about you. Your sense of humor. And, there’s another side. You are deeply devoted to your family. 

Chuck: I am.

David: And now, it’s time to be deeply devoted to you.

Chuck: Yes it is. Thank you for reminding me of that David.

David: You’re welcome, Chuck. Talk to you in a couple of weeks.

Chuck: Bye-now.