Major Gifts Essentials III: Dancing with Donors

No--not dirty dancing.  No--not flash dancing.

And, no--not "dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight" (Batman, 1989).

What I am referring to here is the dance between fundraising professional and donor.  That's right, the BIG DANCE.  The one where you are present, open, and flexible.  The one with JOY.  The one with BEAUTY.  The one where MAGIC happens.

I could milk this dancing metaphor all day:

• Preparation,  practice, planning.
• Choreography, timing, tempo.
• Commitment, conditioning, discipline.

These elements are all part of putting together a successful artistic dance production.  They also happen to reflect many of the elements of a successful major gifts process.  This is one of the reasons why major gifts work is more of an "art" than a "science" (and this from a scientist turned artist).

Register Now for the Abundant Fundraising Webinar Series to learn the art of Dancing with Donors.

When I say dance, what do I mean?  I mean the act of showing up and having powerful conversations with donors.  I mean recognizing the fact that donors have multiple competing priorities (work, family, friends, health, recreation, romance, etc.), including multiple philanthropic priorities (sorry, you're not the only dance partner).  I mean being agile, graceful, and nimble in your discussions with donors.

I applaud the efforts of major gifts training programs that are bringing rigor to the profession (see Advancement Resources and Plus Delta Partners), just as I applaud the intense summer training programs in ballet offered by the Bolshoi and Joffrey Ballet companies for aspiring ballerinas.  However, rigorous training will only take you so far.  Sooner or later, prima ballerina's must dance a pas de deux live onstage, and major gifts fundraisers must "dance" live (or meet face-to-face) with donors.

A common miss-step that I see less experienced major gift officers make is to lead the donor early on in this dance by advancing some "priority" of their organization.  Yes, you have a job to do.  Yes, your non-profit has fundraising priorities.  And NO, thou shalt NOT lead thy donor dance with that institutional priority!

Get to know the person in front of you.  Who is s/he? What are his or her interests and passions?  How may you align those interests and passions with your organization? If there is alignment and you are both stepping to the music, how might you encourage your donor to STRETCH beyond his or her comfort zone?

You can prepare all you want for dancing with donors (and I strongly encourage preparation).  That said, one of the most compelling and satisfying aspects of major gifts work (for those of us who love it), is that is co-creative by its very nature.  In other words, you cannot analyze your way to an impactful gift, because it takes two to dance!

We'll be exploring this co-active "art" of  dancing with donors starting starting next month.  Join us.

Major Gifts Fundraising Essentials II: Curiosity and Self Managment

Exceptional fundraisers with whom I work as a professional coach are a curious bunch. They're curious about themselves, curious about their world, and especially curious about donors and their interests. Embedded in that curiosity is a principle of withholding judgment--a core element of self management.




Ah, withholding judgement.  Easier said than done.   Oh, how the mind loves to judge others, ourselves, and even our circumstances.  For the purposes of this post, I'd like to focus on our tendency (dare I say "compulsion") to judge others.  Here are some common examples:


Good/Bad
Smart/Stupid 
Assertive/Meek
Funny/Serious  
Conservative/Liberal
Engaging/Boring
Beautiful/Ugly  
Wealthy/Poor
Capable/Incompetent
Diligent/Careless
Old/Young 

I will assert that for fundraising professionals it is absolutely imperative that the tendency to judge others be weakened. Why?  Because this one practice opens up space for relationships to blossom.  And when relationships with donors blossom, generous gifts follow.  In Wayne Dyer's words: "Real magic in relationships happens in absence of judgement."  It's that kind of "magic" that fundraisers are seeking to create with donors.

I confess that it can be very challenging to refrain from this insidious behavior, especially if your "Judge" is well developed.  One way to weaken the Judge is to watch your mind throughout the day and keep track of when you judge someone.  Be truthful, and hold yourself accountable.  You may even want to keep score (fundraisers love to keep score).  Each time you judge someone, recommit to creating a "no-judgment zone" for yourself and those with whom you interact.  And remember not to judge yourself harshly.  Over time as you start noticing when you're in judgment mode, I expect you'll also see how quickly the judgment will dissipate.

Another great antidote to the Judge is curiosity.  Curiosity and judgment can almost never co-exist.  Let's say, for example, you are meeting with a prospective donor who made his fortune in the defense industry.  Because you are generally a peaceful person and despise the military industrial complex, your Judge starts to create a story: "This guy's a baby killer.  He's an asshole.  How could he build weapons that destroy innocent lives?" And, so on.

All of a sudden you start to notice the story your Judge is creating, and instead of solidifying that story you choose to get curious: "Who is this person?  What motivates him?  What does he really care about?"  Your curiosity leads you to ask him some powerful questions and you learn that his company produces affordable handheld gas sensing devices which allow soldiers and first responders to detect very small amounts of poisonous gases before people are affected.  It turns out he's saving lives (or, at least preventing deaths) through his work.  By withholding judgement and being curious you come to learn that his grandfather died a grisly death in WWI from mustard gas poisoning.  To honor his grandfather, he wants to support public policy research at your university that would lead to significant reductions of poisonous gas stockpiles worldwide.  Hmmm.....

While this example may seem simple, you get  get the picture.  

If you are relatively new to the fundraising field (or just want to go from good to great), and you are interested in strengthening the your ability to be curious and withhold judgment, then I encourage you to join me for the affordable Abundant Fundraising Webinar Series.  The second installment of the series focuses on these two essential qualities of curiosity and self-managment, both of which major gifts fundraisers must cultivate to be successful.

Major Gifts Essentials I--Listening and Intuition

Several good books have been written on what it takes to cultivate and solicit major gifts with generous donors.  I recommend you go to Amazon for a comprehensive list.  Also, you can attend any number of conferences offered by CASE or AFP to become more familiar with the best practices of executing a major gifts fundraising program.

This post is less about the "doing" of major gifts, and more about the essential "being" of major gifts fundraising professionals.  I'm talking about qualities that you can cultivate and strengthen through deliberate practice.

The first two of these are listening and intuition.  Good fundraisers develop and hone listening skills over time. Great fundraisers listen at multiple levels and can tap into their intuition.


Listening.  Transactional fundraisers typically only listen at Level I, or what I will call "the voice in their head."  This is not a bad thing, and it comes in especially handy for telethon annual giving type work.  The Level I voice in the head something like this: "I need to make this call and ask this donor to renew his annual $250 commitment."  Done.  Move onto the next call.

While Level I listening has its place, it will only take fundraising so far.  This is why more mature fundraising professionals that engage in major gifts work learn to cultivate listening at Level II.  Level II listing is when 80% to 90% of your attention is on the donor and what s/he is saying.  It typically consists of a hard focus on the words coming out of the donor's mouth.  During the 10% or 20% of the time you are speaking you might say something like this: "Donor what I hear you saying is...," or "Donor, what I notice is...."  We call this "articulating" or reflecting back what the donor is saying for clarification and understanding.

Fundraisers who strengthen the ability to listen at Level II often (although not always) become very good major gifts fundraisers.  Those that master Level III listening are nearly without exception the top fundraisers in our field.  Level III listening involves panoramic awareness.  It requires that you take in the entire environment. What is the donor's body language?  How does the donor's facial expression change as s/he discusses his or her life and the impact s/he wants to have through philanthropy.  How does the donor react to your open ended questions?  How does the donor dress?  What kinds of items in the home or office does the donor cherish?  What emotion is coming through as the donor speaks with you (sadness, anger, joy, etc.)?  Level III listening requires that you remain present, open, flexible, and non-judgmental as you engage with the donor.  AND, it requires that you tap into your intuition.

Intuition.  Intuition is the innate human ability to understand something (or somebody) immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning or data. Thomas Edison honed this ability.  He claimed that his invention of the phonograph was an act of pure intuition.   Great fundraisers regularly tap into their intuition and express their "intuitive hits" with donors.  The expression may take this form: "My sense is that you're interested in....," or "I have a feeling that you'd really love..."

While we all have this ability, we often fail to use it.  For me, intuition sometimes manifests as a visual image in my mind, a metaphor, a feeling, or just a word that pops into my head.  In my coaching work, I've noticed that successful fundraising leaders often listen to these intuitive "feelings," while struggling leaders do not.  Steve Jobs famously followed his own iconoclastic decision-making impulses.  He implored his colleagues at Apple to "have the courage to follow [their] intuition."

If you are relatively new to the fundraising path (or just want to go from good to great), and are interested in strengthening the your ability to listen and use your intuition, then I encourage you to join me for the affordable Abundant Fundraising Webinar Series.  The first installment of the series focuses on these two essential qualities of listening and intuition, both of which major gifts fundraisers must cultivate to be successful.

Fundraising Leadership--What does it take?

John Wayne--True Grit (1969)

I recently completed Ron Schiller's excellent book, The Chief Development Officer: Beyond Fundraising. It's well worth reading, and I can recommend Ron's work to you without reservation, especially if you are considering the Chief Development Officer Role (CDO) now, or in the future. 

While Ron focuses primarily on the CDO, my own work as a leadership coach tends to focus on mid-career fundraising leaders at the Director level (including Senior and Executive), as well as the AVP level (Assistant and Associate Vice President).  You are our future CDOs!

I love working with individuals in these roles because they are still very much interested in learning and growth.  And they are NOT learning about fundraising.  With at least ten years of frontline fundraising under their belts, these extraordinary folks are focused on strengthening their management skills, while also growing their leadership edge.  It's important to remember that while management is about what you do in an organization, leadership is about who you are.

What I notice about the most successful among these mid-career leaders is that they are gritty.  It's a quality that I admire greatly, and which can be loosely defined as possessing unyielding courage and resolve in the face of adversity.  Some close synonyms include: 

• Pluck
• Fortitude
• Hardiness
• Tenacity
• Perseverance

Can you imagine a successful fundraising leader in today's large and complex non-profit organizations without a strong dose of it?

Today's post is brief.  The main purpose is to start a conversation and encourage comments in response to a simple question:

What qualities (other than grit) do you see in the mid-career fundraising leaders you admire most?

Dysfunctional Fundraising Teams

Over the past few weeks I had a few conversations with leaders I know about dysfunction on teams.  Sadly, this dysfunction is a common occurrence that, in my experience, often arises from a fundamental fear of conflict.

It's a theme that arises frequently in my coaching work with leaders.  Especially fundraising leaders.  The fear of conflict is often initiated and promulgated by an insidious saboteur known as the "Pleaser."


I previously described the Pleaser Saboteur in a post entitled "The One Skill Every Fundraiser Must Cultivate."  It's an automatic and habitual mind pattern that frequently afflicts fundraising leaders by indirectly attempting to gain acceptance by helping, pleasing, or flattering others.  The impact of the Pleaser on fundraising teams is an avoidance of conflict which creates an environment of artificial harmony.  Pat Lencioni in is excellent book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team rightly points out that true harmony on teams can be beneficial, leading to cooperation, collaboration, and synergy.  On the other hand, fear of conflict that induces artificial harmony often leads to discord, contention, and ultimate team dysfunction.

I recognize that many folks are deeply uncomfortable about discussing a difference of opinion, or disagreement for fear that they might offend the other person, injure the relationship, or otherwise create an unpleasant circumstance.  In order to have a productive, well-functioning team this fear must be faced and overcome.  Lencioni's research clearly demonstrates that teams which engage in healthy, productive conflict (that is, conflict focused on ideas rather than personalities) enjoy superior performance over those that do not engage in healthy conflict.  

One way for a leader to create an environment where team members feel free to bring crucial, yet potentially sensitive, topics to meetings for discussion is to actually "mine for conflict".  That's right.  It is incumbent for the leader of the team to use his or her intuition to draw out disagreement, and to grant full permission to other teammates to air their differences without fear of reprisal.  Of course, it is essential that everyone on the team to commit to saying what is true for them, and to be persons to whom others can express themselves with candor.  It also helps when individuals make a commit to no gossip, that is, to speak their minds in team meetings and not behind closed doors after the meeting is over.  Teams where individuals make commitments to each other of speaking with candor and ending gossip possess higher levels of trust, and have less fear that potential conflict will destroy relationships.

As fundraising leaders begin to tame their Pleaser Saboteur in order to create and sustain a culture where healthy debate is encouraged, there is another helpful tool that can be used to navigate conflict.  This tool is used as part of the Co-Active Leadership Model which was introduced by the Coaches Training Institute.  In the Co-Active Leadership Model, conflict is transformed from a process that often has a starting point where individuals quickly seek agreement in order to gain acceptance.  This is often achieved through tactics like convincing, manipulation, authority, and so on.  In the Co-Active model of conflict management we typically start by seeking alignment, which leads to understanding, and finally agreement.  The former mode of conflict frequently results in contention and compliance.  The latter process, if allowed to unfold in an environment where individuals seek (as Stephen Covey put it) "first to understand," often leads to rich dialogue where members of the team align on something more important than the issue in conflict.  They then go ahead and have the disagreement and create solutions that everyone can accept.

In high functioning teams, conflict is transformed from a process that is feared to one that is embraced.  Especially when it is approached using some of the principles outlined in this post.  I suggest you to start with baby steps by creating an atmosphere where candor is encouraged, and gossip is eliminated.  Once those commitments are established, go ahead and try the Co-Active model for conflict management, and watch your team thrive.

Crappy [or Happy] New Year? You Decide.

Got your attention?  Good.   Because, whether we have a "Crappy" or "Happy" 2016 is completely in our control.  That's right.  Even if we face significant adversity.  Importantly, it's how we respond to the challenges of the coming year (and there will be challenges) that makes the difference.

I was exploring this very topic (albeit from a somewhat different angle) during a gathering of a special group of leaders over the past weekend.  Part of our discussion addressed the question: "what do we want to strip off (or leave behind), and what to we want to step into" at the start of the new year.  It was a heartfelt, vulnerable conversation that left us invigorated for the possibilities of 2016.  

The content that I found most useful was the exploration of subtraction.  This is counter-intuitive, since our tendency at the start of a new year is to consider all we want to achieve in the coming 12 months.  We work on our action plans, goals, objectives, strategies, tactics, etc.  I'm not making that process wrong.  I actually believe it is quite helpful, especially if it is coupled with the question: "What do I intend to subtract this year?" That's right--SUBTRACT.  More often that not, in order for us to advance confidently in the direction of our dreams we need to unburden ourselves and let go of relationships, stories, practices, habits, and even material goods that no longer serve us on our path forward.

Many of you who follow my posts know that I am an avid non-fiction reader, hungrily devouring books from antiquity to the present.  In the search for truth and wisdom I enjoy learning from multiple masters--no matter what their angle (spiritual, psychological, physical, mystical, meta physical, new age, etc.).  The counter-intuitive (and difficult) subtraction for me this year was to delete a significant number of books from my Audible and Amazon wish lists. Through this act of subtraction, I am honoring an intention to focus my studies in 2016 on those works of literature with a spiritual angle.  That was a difficult and conscious choice (considering my addiction), which I hope will open up some new perspectives in the coming year.

I offer this short, personal story of subtraction as a pointer toward greater happiness.  I am convinced (as are many wisdom teachers) that happiness is not derived from adding more material or intellectual stuff to our lives.  

So as you ponder 2016, I ask: what crap will you flush down the toilet so that you may open up space in 2016 and be free to fly into a very happy new year?

Fundraising is NOT a Data Driven Profession

I know some among us would like to believe that it is, especially with the advent of data tools available today (and the consultants who pitch them).

So, if not data driven, then what?  Wait for it...

Relationship driven!  (did you hear the crescendo?)

Seems obvious enough.  And, like most truths, the obvious ones are often overlook.  Remembering that fundraising is fundamentally a relationship driven profession can be especially helpful when  recruiting.  I recently shared my thoughts on Hiring Great Fundraisers in a separate post.  One characteristic that I neglected to mention as a possible screen is what we might call "relationship orientation, or capacity".  My bad.  I had completely taken that for granted (again, so easy to overlook the obvious), and I strongly encourage you not to.

So, how do we screen for relationship orientation/capacity.  One way is through the reference checking process.  In addition to asking prospective new hires for previous supervisors, colleagues, and direct reports (in the case of managers), I suggest you also ask the finalist candidate for a small number of donors (including board members) with whom they've worked.  Yes, I know that adds to your workload.  And yes, I believe it's worth it.  In the past, I've interviewed at least six to eight references before making an offer.  (P.S.--This is not an activity you want to outsource to HR)

Another way of getting at the heart of the matter either for a candidate or for an existing team member who is struggling in a front-line role is to ask them to take the HBDI Assessment.  While no assessment is definitive, the HBDI does help get a handle on preferences for quantitative/analytical work versus relational/intuitive roles.  I recently took the assessment and scored strongly in the relational quadrant.  When under stress I go there even more strongly.  Not surprising for a professional coach with a fundraising background.

I bring this topic to the forefront because our culture is becoming obsessed with data (especially in university advancement/development organizations).  While I believe data analysis can be helpful in identifying prospective donors and their philanthropic inclinations, I assert there is no substitute for face-to-face conversations that deepen relationships between donors and the causes/institutions they care about.  AND, when hiring fundraisers to have those conversations, it is essential that leaders select for individuals with strong relationship orientation/capacity.