How Intimate Are You Being?

Last week, I spent some time with 28 leaders becoming more intimate.  That's right--more INTIMATE.  

I find it extraordinarily interesting how often we avoid being intimate (especially with someone of the opposite sex) because we fear collapsing #intimacy with #sex.  Perhaps it's a boomerang response to the sexual revolution of the '60s and '70s where the lines between intimacy and sex were collapsed as part of the zeitgeist.  I am here to say--enough!  We are starving our emotional selves by putting up barriers to intimate relationships in the workplace and beyond.

Sacrebleu!  Did he just say "intimate relationships in the workplace"?  In a public forum?  That's right.  And, before you sick the EEOC on me, let me remind folks of what we are really talking about here.  Intimacy, by definition, is "close familiarity or friendship".  That's it.  Certainly, it can involve sex (as is the case with me and my spouse), but not necessarily so.  I can share that I have intimate relationships with my children, parents, and friends and I can assure you that no sex is involved.  I can also offer that I have had (and continue to have) intimate relationships with current and former coaching clients (men and women).  How could it be any other way?

If this discussion is making you squirm in your seat--good! It should.  My-o-my, how far apart we've moved from each other for the sake of a sanitized, emotion-free workplace (please pass the Lysol).  The pendulum has swung too far.

It may be helpful here to remember a little tool, often used by professional coaches and leaders trained by the Coaches Training Institute.  Intimacy is "Into-Me-See".  From that perspective, intimacy requires an open heart.  Opening our hearts to others is an act of courage because it makes us vulnerable to being hurt.  And while I have had my own heart wounded and broken several times during the course of my life, I find that leading my life from an open-hearted stance much more satisfying and energizing than armoring up every day to protect myself.  

If this post inspires you, makes you uncomfortable, or ignites a small spark of curiosity about how you approach and interact with others, then my duty is done.  With that sense of inspiration, discomfort, or curiosity I ask you to consider: how intimate are you being?